Note: The following blog may shake your faith and upset your world. At the very least, it may make you question life as you know it, once you learn that the writer isn't perfect after all, like you may have previously believed. With all your preconceptions shattered, perhaps you can find some comfort in knowing that, yes, everyone makes mistakes. (Some of us are just more public about them.) If you didn't previously believe that the writer was the perfect wife, woman and mother, then perhaps you'll find some sort of satisfaction in the following revelation of the truth - finally!
So, Mother's Day was another fiasco here.
Not because of Hubby, well partly because of him. Not because of me. Oh, yeah, it's confession time - it was mostly because of me.
Here's the scenario: I am a gift person. Meaning, my love language is receiving gifts. I speak the language of finding or making the perfect gift for someone, wrapping it beautifully and hoping they will appreciate all the work I put into the gift. I receive love best through gifts and absolutely LOVE when someone finds me something unique, thoughtful and practical. Something that's "me." Here's a sample - one of the best gifts I've received was a yarn ball winder from my mother-in-law. Every time I use it, I'm grateful that I received such a thoughtful gift. (Now, just because I didn't mention something that you might have given me, doesn't mean I didn't appreciate it, but I don't have time or space or brain cells to recall, list and describe all the great gifts I've gotten.)
So, here's why the yarn winder was so great. It was second hand (I love recycling). It was unique (Who has a yarn winder?) And it was related to something I'm interested in (Knitting) and something I'd use (winding yarn - duh.) I love to get gifts (did I already mention that?) But even more so when it seems like the person has put time and thought into finding the gift.
Here's the problem. My husband's love language is acts of service. He doesn't care much to receive gifts. He hates to buy gifts. He would much rather do something for me than buy me a gift for say Mother's Day. So not only does this create a problem for me receiving gifts but also for me getting him things. I tend to have to think about things I could do for him rather than wrap for him. It's not always a pretty sight.
A few days before D-Day (Mother's Day) Hubby was frustrated with purchasing a gift he knew I'd be expecting and wanting. The only trouble was, he told me so. Actually he told me Mother's Day was too stressful and it wasn't worth it. Then told me not to feel bad because he wasn't upset with me. And then he wanted a list.
Yeah. That went over about as well as the beta fish I got a couple years ago for Mother's Day.
Anyway, I did my best to hold it together, feeling like "I" wasn't worth it. Unfortunately, my best was to tell about five people what he said and how irritated I was about it. Because buying gifts comes more easy to me, it's very very hard for me to imagine how difficult it could be to come up with an idea and find it, let alone find it with four boys in tow. (Keep in mind that I've had his Father's Day gift purchased for about three weeks now.)
Sunday morning the kids gave me breakfast in bed - cereal and a bagel - way too much for me to eat, but still it was nice. (I'm not much of a morning person, so I probably didn't come across very grateful.) I came downstairs to a mirrored garden ball and a cast iron plant holder for outside. It was a nice gift. I like to have my flower garden looking nice, so it was practical, unique and thoughtful. I should have left it at that. But, the trouble was, I couldn't look at it without thinking about how stressful and frustrating it was for him to buy it and how he was feeling like it wasn't worth it while shopping for it. Took a lot of the fun out of the moment.
But, I didn't leave it at that. Later that day, I tried to tease hubby and my father-in-law about a person who had left a bunch of gifts hidden in random places for his wife, like inside a roll of fresh toilet paper and a carton of crackers. Hubby commented that this person probably didn't have four boys along with him at the time he was shopping. (Oh, wait it gets worse.) Then my mother-in-law tried to tell me that she didn't always get gifts from her husband for Mother's Day and that it was okay.
I told her that her love language probably wasn't gifts and that it wouldn't have been okay with me because a gift is very important to me and then I told her (person number six) what hubby had said a few days earlier and how feeling like the whole thing wasn't worth it kind of made the whole thing not worth it. I was so frustrated my face was beat red and I had all I could do to keep from running into the bathroom crying because I felt so misunderstood. I was also embarrassed that I couldn't just keep my stupid mouth shut about the whole stupid thing.
The rest of the night was painful, at best. So, needless to say, I am not perfect. I am not the perfect wife. I am not the perfect woman. I am not even the perfect gifter, because if I was, I'd realize that the thing I bought for my husband will underwhelm him and that he'd much rather I give him a back rub or clean out the garage.
Anyone out there speak my love language? Or hubby's? I really could use a translator right now.
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