losing helena

We got the news today that a cousin just lost her baby girl - Helena - at 19 months. She had made it through a very serious heart surgery and things were looking good until she went into cardiac arrest and died this morning.

It is so hard to make sense of the death of a child. I can't imagine the depth of their pain, although I have some sense of the loss. My losses seem to pale in comparison because I never had the opportunity to "know" my babies before they died. Mary and Aaron are giving up a person who has been the hugest part of their lives for the past year and a half. Spunky personality and all are now gone.

This is one of my favorite pictures of Helena. I know she is dancing for her Lord in an outfit more beautiful than this. Please pray for her parents as they face the darkness and grief ahead.

Times like this always draw me to music and I have my iTunes set up just for what I call my sad songs. Most of them aren't only sad, but a mixed bag of questions, emotions and praise to God in spite of pain. I got to listening and re-playing "Blessed Be Your Name" by Newsboys. The chorus repeats "blessed be your name" numerous times, but what caught my attention was this:

Blessed be Your name, on the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering - blessed be Your name.

You give and take away;
You give and take away.
My heart will choose to say - blessed be Your name.

I couldn't help but cry when I thought of this child as an offering to God. How do we still say - "blessed be Your name"? How can we be like Job who said, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised."? (Job 1:21) My head knows that God can make this good, that this child is in a better place, but my heart doesn't know it it, doesn't want to feel that yet and doesn't quite trust in that truth yet.

I wonder how we can sing:

Every blessing you pour out, I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say:

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Is it just in the singing these words that we are praising God? Do we have to mean them? Is it still praise to Him if what we're feeling while we're singing is doubt, anger or sadness, not praise? Tough questions. If you have an answer, please post it.