eight weeks

We've made it through the tough stuff. It's been eight weeks since the miscarriage and I'm finally starting to feel "normal." (If that's even possible for me - the most abnormal person I know.)

It took six weeks before all the physical stuff was over, which was a battle in itself with my lack of patience. I'm smart enough, though, not to pray for patience because then I'll really have things thrown my way to test me more. I have four boys for that.

So, here we are, April 15 - ironically - and I'm somewhat celebrating. I'm finally making it through the day without thinking about having lost a baby. For me, that's a huge milestone. I'm sure being busy helps too, but still the thoughts aren't as intense, the emotions aren't as out-of-control, and the body is feeling better. It is something to rejoice in.

Every once in awhile the loss will hit me and I'll cry for a little bit, usually later at night when I'm already tired and emotionally drained from a long day. It's still hard to see pregnant women. For awhile, it seemed like they were everywhere, big bellies taunting me. I'm able to look away now and not feel a deep pain inside. I still wonder. I still wish. And I know I will for some time. But the overwhelming feelings are decreasing. The hurt is slowly fading. I am smiling again.

I believe that's a good sign.