up front

There is a danger in getting to church late, even by a couple minutes.

When you need some serious pew space for four squirmy boys, arriving late leaves you with few seating options. Sunday, we had two: the front pew or the second-to-the-front pew. When you're already a bit uncomfortable because you're a visitor and you know that you forgot the two-year-old's pacifier, neither spot seemed like a very good choice.

You know that all eyes will be on you and the five males as you traipse to the front of the church to take your place in the second pew. And, you also know that everyone has already noticed you standing in the entry, so it's too late to bolt. Deep breath and make the march up front.

Thankfully, someone at the Kingston ALC was wise enough (or had enough kids) that they printed up children's bulletins full of cool little biblical puzzles. That kept 2.5 kids busy during much of the sermon. Dad was in charge of four-year-old, which is a full-time job for six people. That left me with the baby - and luckily I had a notepad and licorice in my purse. Candy trumps a pacifier every time.

I had to keep my eye on boy #2's feet for fear that he would bump the front pew, on which the power point projector was precariously placed atop a box and a seat cushion. Any time the feet would go up on the pew, I'd break out in a cold sweat imagining the whole thing crashing to the floor right as the pastor was in the middle of explaining Romans 8. Then I'd swat his legs down.

It was not a good Sunday for a long sermon, but we survived. In fact, after the final hymn the old lady behind us asked if she could give the boys Cremesavers since they "were such good boys during church." I cringed and said, "Of course! And thank you so much!"

It seems because of the church newsletter columns I write, the boys are now somewhat famous. One lady walked to the front of the church, took in all the boys and declared, "Well, they look normal to me!" Perhaps I'm telling too many family secrets.

Another man took me aside and pointing at the kids, asked, "Are these the ones you're trying to farm out to your family and friends?" I smiled sweetly and replied, "Yes and which one would you like?"

Might as well be up front while I'm up front.