oh the places you'll go...with boys

You never quite know where you'll end up as a parent or the things you'll find yourself doing. But in my case, I think it's even a little more extreme being the mother of four boys. The testosterone overload in this house has me doing things, saying things, learning things I would never have dreamed. And going places I never would have imagined.

Here's just a sampling.

I never thought I'd be sprawled out on a wrestling mat, trying to coach two seven-year-olds on how to do a double-leg takedown (you can read about the entire episode in the previous blog.) Although I have always enjoyed wrestling and even chose to cover it when I worked at a local newspaper, I never imagined myself down on all fours trying to be a parent/coach. I wouldn't have bothered to do it either, except that the other parents involved didn't seem to be able to stop the two boys from running at each other like bulls during a bullfight.

I never thought I'd ever watch an entire NASCAR race, start to finish. Watching 43 cars go round and round a track for three+ hours is about as exciting as watching golf. Nonetheless, because Sunday afternoons are supposed to be "Sunday Funday" around here, I have been forced to not only watch, but listen to three boys get excited about lead changes, crashes, penalties and pit stops. The other saving grace is that I can knit while I watch.

I never thought I'd ever know anything about NASCAR. Stuff like Tony Stewart was sponsored by Lowe's but will drive his own car next year. Or that Dale Earnhardt Dr. is team mates with Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson. Jeff Gordon drives the 24 car. Jimmie Johnson is sponsored by Lowe's and drives the 48 car - and he just made history this past year by winning the Sprint Cup chase for the third year in a row. I would not know that two Busch brothers drive cars - one sponsored by M&M's (Kyle) and the other by Budweiser (Kurt). I would also not know that the races are started not only by the National Anthem, but by a prayer, which I have to admit is pretty cool. I also would not know any of this if my oldest didn't talk incessantly about it.

I never thought I'd have to explain to a boy what a groom means - and have him respond that he never wants to get married if that's what he'll be called. His exact words, "I don't want to be called a stupid word like 'groom' all day."

I never thought I'd have kids into cards. I wish they were card sharks - they could probably earn their keep around here. This is the kind of cards that are just plain annoying - baseball, football and basketball cards. A friend of boy #1 gave him a stack this fall and that's what started the whole problem. Now I have a 10-year-old who will not talk about anything but football - how he wants to play football, who his favorite team is, whose cards he has and who plays on what team. He has a memory that simply astounds me and can rattle off statistics and information about completely meaningless things like what number Adrian Peterson is, where Peyton Manning played college football or that Randy Moss is his all-time favorite player. It bores me to tears.

I never thought I'd know that there are two Steve Smiths who play professional football, or that I could care less. I'd rather know what to do about two boys who can't get their school work done because all they do is play football or snow board.

I never thought I'd have to wipe off the toilet lid, the toilet seat, the edge of the toilet and around the bottom of the toilet on a daily basis. Four boys is more than one bathroom can handle. I should have taught them to pee standing up inside as well as outside.

I never thought I'd have four boys. That probably says enough right there.