paying attention

There is a serious lack of observation around here. Well, that’s not entirely accurate - we are paying attention to things, just not the right things.

For example, I’ve recently been doing some elementary research on the gift-giving habits of men and have come to the overwhelming conclusion that most men need to pay more attention to their spouses when it comes to ideas for gifts (mainly because women tend to drop lots of hints). Whatever their attention is focused on, that isn’t it.

That being said, women (myself included) probably need to pay attention to all the other things men do for them instead of what they don’t. Either way - attention is the problem.

I don’t notice when the dishwasher gets emptied, but I will immediately notice if the toilet seat was left up. I don’t pay attention to my own crabby tone of voice, but will get riled up if hubby does the same toward me.

My boys have attention issues as well. They aren’t grateful to have brothers - instead they can only complain and get distracted that one’s making faces and the other just swiped a Goldfish cracker.

One could care less that his t-shirt is on backwards and his socks are doubled over inside his sneakers, but he will notice immediately if he gets one more chore assigned to him than his brothers do.

Another one can’t see the 45 toys of his on the living room floor, but will instantly whine if the youngest brother grabs his fake redneck teeth to play with.

Another thinks any discipline directed toward him means he’s being picked on, but he feels very free to get after his brothers for even the slightest infraction.

The littlest one has perfected the act of pretending not to pay attention, then repeating back word-for-word what you just said because you thought he either couldn’t understand or wasn’t paying attention. He also has some highly developed radar system that alerts him to wake up from nap time because his brothers are getting snacks and he’s not, and 10 minutes later will have no qualms about sneaking into the pantry to scarf down whatever he can before someone bigger finally pays attention to where he is.

Hubby can somehow ignore his pile of clothes on the bedroom floor, but the mess in the living room will drive him up the wall.

So we are all paying attention, but only to the things that irritate us. We fail to notice (or acknowledge) when someone picks up their socks without being asked, cooks supper without whining, does a simple chore without bellyaching or has a conversation without being glued to the TV.

When did paying attention become such a problem?

We (and I’m guessing this is a problem for more than just me) fail to pay attention to those hurting around us, even though we’ve been on the receiving end of the blessing of other’s concerns. We fail to pay attention to those needing physical assistance because we’re too busy. We fail to pay attention to the shy kid because we don’t know what to say or we might not even notice her.

Instead we pay attention to our pet peeves and we give them primary focus. We pay attention to whatever may offend us in something someone said or wrote, sometimes completely missing the point. We pay attention to our own biases instead of realizing that with many things, biblical things included, there isn’t always a black-and-white answer. We pay attention to “the rules” of our religion, but only in the instances when someone else is breaking them. We pay attention to the local gossip, sometimes even spreading it further. We even pay more attention to our own selves instead of putting our focus where it ought to be.

Perhaps the bigger problem - paying attention to one’s own wants and needs too much is really an issue of self-absorption. We tread a slippery slope then to becoming greedy, having a pity party for ourselves, missing the needs of others or not putting our attention on God.

I tend to pay attention more to what my children are doing wrong than what they are doing right. I pay more attention to what I want than what God wants for me. I pay more attention to my needs than the needs of others that I could easily meet.

So, I’m not paying good attention either.

I find it interesting that the definition of pay attention means to “give or bestow” our attention to someone or something. It is essentially a gift. It is giving our focus – and hopefully undivided. I could give my undivided attention to the laundry, the dishes, the garden or anything else, but at some point it will get interrupted by the next brotherly squabble. I think perhaps I would be wiser to focus my attention on trying to teach these boys how to get along. Or how to fight fair (without pinching or biting).

That’s what tae kwon do is for. Which makes me wonder how they can pay attention to the instructor for 90 minutes without stopping to tell him they’re bored or hungry or so-and-so invaded their personal space.

There’s a secret there somewhere. Guess I’ll have to pay attention to find out.