my christmas wish list...

I might get into trouble for airing dirty laundry, or rather dirty skin, but here goes...

All I want for Christmas this year is a hot shower.

I know it sounds ridiculous - so let me explain. For the past two weeks, we have been unable to take more than a 2.5 minute shower before the water turns tepid. Not nearly enough to time to shave anything, let alone try to clean up before some mysterious inner workings of the plumbing and/or hot water heater conspire to shut off the heat.

So, a hot shower is pretty high up my wish list. I’d even take it over yarn. Or even chocolate at this point.

We finally finished one bathroom in the “new” part of the house and a couple of weeks ago made the big switch - moving the water softener and heater so we could actually use the new facilities.

Only the water heater apparently did not like its new accommodations, because it suddenly decided to rebel. Perhaps it got tired of keeping up with a household of six - although that’s really no excuse considering four of the crew barely clean their teeth let alone their smelly bodies. Perhaps it’s in cahoots with the washing machine and decided to go on strike to protest the amount of daily laundry - except apparently the washer didn’t get that memo because still she’s working fine. Or maybe it simply conked out during the move down to the basement.

Whatever the reason - our spaceship-shaped water heater has decided to limit our daily shower intake. It teases us with glorious hot water for about 36 seconds and the gradually weans down to room temperature. No wonder the Bible frowns on lukewarm water - it’s ridiculous for showers as well.

For the past two weeks, hubby has been trying to solve this hot water heater puzzle. Only, he’s not really keen on mysteries and he’s not very patient anymore either. What he is, is cheap. (Whoops, did I say that?) I meant frugal. And capable. And adventurous. To try save $1500 on a new water heater and who-knows-what on a hourly plumber’s rate, he is sacrificing his body in cold showers and his mental health in trying to remedy the situation. What a guy. (There, is that enough kissing up?)

Rather than call in someone (who may or may not be able to solve the problem) he pulled out his handy-dandy multi-meter to test both heating elements (they work), he manually checked the temperature with my candy thermometer (scalding), he turned up the temperature (to hotter than scalding) and learned that a hot water heater has a dip tube. It appears that ours has not disintegrated, cracked or fallen off (like all the problem-solvers online suggest might have happened). And yet - WE STILL CAN’T TAKE A HOT SHOWER.

All of this leaves me in a bit of not-so-hot water (pun intended). I’m so tempted to call someone - no matter the cost - but I know I should tough it out, shivering in my short showers, while hubby troubleshoots with his father. A good wife would do that, I suppose. A new thermostat will be ordered tomorrow, because they now believe this is what’s causing the problem. Oh, me of little faith.

I really should take notes from my son, who upon learning about Christopher Columbus and what it meant to be an explorer, promptly informed me that his dad was definitely an explorer because he’s not afraid to try things he’s never done before and learn to fix things.

Ah yes, we’ve learned about a water heater and all its innards. I guess you could call that exploring. Not really the trip I would have chosen, but since hubby has been able to figure out many, many things in the past, I’m buckled in and along for the ride.

Hopefully this little expedition will be over by Christmas. If not, I’m pretty sure there will be a brand-new water heater under (or next to) the tree.