the boss

I'm in big trouble...in about ten years.

My four-year-old is going to give me a run for my money as a teenager. How do I know this? Here's a sampling of our ride home from Cub Foods last night.

"Mom, I'm older than you."
"Really?"
"Yep. I'm yours plus one."
"If you're older than me how come you're not bigger than me?"
"I AM bigger than you and STRONGER than you." Then came a "hmmph" - like that settles that.
"And I'm the boss."

He sat and pondered his boss-dom for about ten seconds and then (I'm not making this up...) he spouted, "Hmmm.... what does Mom have to do?" (because after all he is The Boss and can now tell me what to do, or in this case, where to go.)

"You have to get out of the van."
"Why is that?"
"Then I don't have to wear a seat belt."

"If you don't wear a seat belt you can get hurt."
"Nope. I'm strong. I'm like Noah."

Apparently Noah was a strong man (or at least The Boss thinks so after watching Evan Almighty the other week.)

"Mom, know what?"
"What?"
"I'm gonna change my name."
"Really?"
"Yep. I'm gonna."
"What name are you going to be?"
"I'm gonna be Matthew. That would be a good name."

Matthew is his new best and only friend who he met at wrestling. They have been known to sneak out of the wrestling room into the boys locker room to open lockers in search of money. Last match, they found about 64 cents. Number Four got the dime and four pennies. Matthew got the quarter. Matthew is five.

Thankfully by this time we pulled into the garage, so I didn't have to hear any more from "The Boss."

He bolted out of the van and ran to the edge of the sidewalk.
"See Mom, I am the Boss. I can pee farther than you."

How am I supposed to compete with that?