Apparently I am either too old or too uptight for baseball games. Or rather for YOUTH baseball games that drag on an interminable six innings. Four-year-olds do not belong there either. They are too young to follow the lack of action and too old to be distracted with a Tootsie Pop. A three-year-old might take an hour to get to the bottom, but a four-year-old will down it in two minutes.
But perhaps it’s just our four-year-old.
His oldest brother is playing baseball for the first time this summer. And Dad is helping to coach, which makes it next to impossible for him to keep eyes on the ball and the little clown running all over the stands, in the batting cage and chasing the random cat that keeps showing up trying to do his business in the outfield. (Believe me, he’s in no danger of being hit by a pop fly there.) So that means that Mom gets dragged along to the ball game to watch three boys who have little to no interest in watching 11- and 12-year-olds make errors and strike out. They’re probably just as bored as I am - the only difference is they are more capable of creating their own fun and they don’t care what anyone thinks about their diversions.
Here’s all the fun a four-year-old can find in six innings:
Game #1 - He discovered there was a water fountain behind the concession stand. By the time his brother’s team was 10-run-ruled after four innings, he looked like he fell into a mud puddle. He was wet from his outgrown buzz to his good tennis shoes. Apparently, he was too short to reach the water fountain’s spurt, but tall enough to reach the button and stand in the water’s reach as it soaked him and a 10-foot radius around. After that, he decided to play in the batter’s cage, with sand and dirt. I was so proud. So was he.
Game #2 - He spent most of the time collecting chunks of asphalt as his “special rocks” to take home. When I told him they weren’t rocks, he said that it was okay, because he wanted to make us a tar driveway.
Game #3 - He entertained the mom of a boy on the opposing team by discovering his shadow. (Yes, perhaps he’s a little late with this revelation - he doesn’t get out much.) But really all he cared about was her attention and trying to make the shadow as big as possible, and then make it dance around.
Game #4 - I looked over to see him leading a group of five older boys in the chicken dance - didn’t matter that they were within sight over nearly every person in attendance. I should find a chicken costume and dub him the unofficial Red Team’s mascot, but I really don’t want to encourage him.
Game #5 - He discovered sunflower seeds when a friend bought a bag for them all to share. He was given explicit instructions not to chew the entire seed, but to spit out the outside. After making him practice, he was allowed again to roam. But a half hour later, he came up to my friend and I and announced that he “could too” eat the whole thing and that it didn’t hurt when he swallowed it. So much for scare tactics.
Game #6 - We stayed home.
So what’s God’s game plan? He doesn’t seem to be answering my prayer to get me out of going to the game, so maybe he’s trying to teach me something. Humility perhaps? Or to appreciate the value of a four-year-old who provides entertainment while entertaining himself? Or maybe how to have fun for two hours at a baseball game?
Next game, I’ll be singing my own song: “Take me out to the ball game. Keep my boys off the field. I bought them some peanuts and cracker jacks, but somehow they still find their way back to get, get, get into ‘trouble.’ Now I just missed a double. For it’s one, two, three boys and FUN at a youth ball game.”
Feel free to join along in the fourth inning stretch.
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