prohibition

I may have to start a ban around here.

Maybe I should explain. I'm mortified by my kids. They can learn a song lyric by heart after hearing it one time. Which ordinarily wouldn't be so bad, but they don't have great taste in music and end up choosing lyrics that, well, mortify me. Why they can't memorize Bible verses or which slots the silverware go into is beyond me. Instead, they're savants at picking up words about alcohol or women that are sung to a catchy tune.

It all started when my husband switched radio stations while working on the addition. Out when the local Christian station and on came current country music. (To be fair, I had to agree with his reason - we both got sick of hearing the SAME song 14 times a day. Only I switched to Air1 for the Christian rock and he went to stereotypical redneck anthems.)

I should probably be grateful that I have children with great memories. But I'm not. It's a bit embarrassing/ridiculous/surreal to hear a six-year-old sing this:

"Rain makes corn; corn makes whisky; whisky makes my baby frisky."

I mean really. My husband has a hard time figuring out what makes me frisky, so I'm pretty sure that a kindergartener doesn't have a clue. There have to be better phrases that come through free airwaves into our house to bounce around in my boys' brains.

My four-year-old was into the "Pants on the Ground" thing for awhile, complete with a wiggly butt dance. Before that, he would belt out, "little bit of chicken fried; cold beer on a Friday night; pair of jeans that fit just right..." Yeah. And worse, after he'd sing, the stupid song would be stuck in my head for hours.

The older two aren't any better, although they'd graduated to Steve Miller Band classics like "The Joker" or the Eagles' "Hotel California" thanks to Band Hero. But even they have got caught up in the country music craziness - especially after Mom got a Taylor Swift CD for Valentine's Day. The older of the two likes to belt out "You Belong to Me," yet can't understand why girls steal his hat and won't give it back. The second crooner has latched on to Lady Antebellum (who I adore), but still something's not quite right when you hear an eight-year-old singing, "It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now..."

See what I mean?

Perhaps I'll enact a law that breaks some sort of Personal Freedoms when it limits what boys who pick up on country music lyrics way too quickly can hear. I'd call it the "No K102 4 U" statute. It would scramble inappropriate content so all they'd hear was static when the offending song was played. Maybe it'll have to mean inventing a special tool for the stereo that I can turn off and on at will. That way I can screen songs for them, but listen to whatever I want.

After all, not only is it appropriate for me to sing "God is great, beer is good, people are crazy," it's mostly true.