getting along

I have been struggling recently with trying to help my boys be friends. Well, I’m really trying to MAKE them be friends.
Not an easy thing to do when one of them communicates with his fists.

I know that siblings fight, (I have five brothers and a sister) but that shouldn’t prevent them from practicing the Golden Rule on occasion. When I tell my boys about it, they get these blank stares. It doesn’t seem to sink in when I ask one, "Do you like when people hit you?" He will say no, and two minutes later, bam! out come the punches.

It’s such a battle - and I’m not even talking about between them. It’s a battle for me. I’m going crazy listening to them argue about who’s sitting next to Dad at lunch, who had what spot on the couch, who’s going to pray first at bedtime and who gets the last bagel.

"Why can’t you two just get along?" I growl. Well, okay it’s more like the hysterical rant of a cave woman who’s ready for spring to come, no matter how muddy it will be, no matter how muddy the boys will be and no matter how many loads of mud-caked clothes she has to wash. At least she has a washing machine. But that’s off the subject.

Now, really...why can’t my boys just get along? They will bicker about anything, argue about nothing, hit each other constantly and then, worst of all, TATTLE about it!

The only thing that seems to settle them down is snack time or shipping them outside. I’m not sure if they need extra energy-producing sugar or extra energy-depleting exercise like riding bikes through mucky clay.

I know that on some level they love each other because the oldest was gone for about two hours the other day and his younger brother missed him, and even said so!

So, I can’t really win. They fight when they’re around each other and yet they don’t like to be apart either.

Funny how adults have the same issues. We need each other for fellowship, friendship and conversation. (I particularly need adult conversation.) But, we still sometimes disagree and have conflicts.

It shouldn’t be this way, but isn’t any easier for me to get along with others than it is for my boys. Except that I don’t punch and call names. But, I do tattle and well, okay I do call names, at least in my head...

I know I’m supposed to accept others, flaws and all, because Christ has accepted me, flaws and all. (Romans 15:7) The Message paraphrase says to "reach out" to each other and likens unity to "getting along." I like that connection - getting along.

Something that is as hard for two brothers as it is for the brotherhood of believers.

How can you “get along” with those you don’t see eye to eye with or those you just can’t understand? How do I teach my boys that, when I have difficulty doing it myself?

It begins with an attitude adjustment. I need to recognize how other people put up with my faults and how I'm not always easy to get along with either. I need to see my imperfections so God can help me correct them. I need him to teach me acceptance, tolerance, understanding, all those things that are critical to “getting along.” I need to understand that the Golden Rule applies to me as well, in actions as well as attitudes.

I can’t expect something from others that I have trouble doing myself. I can’t expect my boys to get along with each other if I don’t show them how. I need to treat others how I’d like to be treated, and think about others how I’d like them to think of me. I need to live the Golden Rule.

Then, I need to convince the boys that the doing unto others part doesn’t involve fists.