Yes that title is a bit misleading. I believe it's about as possible to survive a miscarriage as it is to survive a breast cancer diagnosis or survive raising kids or survive life in general. It's possible, but it's just not very easy. And there are no shortcuts.
There are however, a few things that do make it better. Here's my list:
1) Have a good, empathetic doctor. (Not as easy as you might think, and unfortunately you have no way of knowing whether your OB will be kind during a loss until you face one with him/her.) But it helps to know that they're sad with you and that they support whatever decisions you make.
2) Have close friends who have experienced a miscarriage. That way you have someone you can just call out of the blue when you're having a bad day because you saw a PG woman at Walmart and just need to vent. They will automatically understand.
3) Have a supportive family. (This might be out of your control, but there's no doubt it helps) There are certain times when family can make all the difference in the world - when they can take kids for you or just love you when you need it most. Sometimes they don't even have to say anything, and yet you feel that they care.
4) Have a God big enough to handle all the emotions that you'll face. Your God needs to be big enough to handle your anger, your pain and your questions. I guess part of having a God like this would also include having faith as well in Him and His plan and purpose, even if you can't understand it.
5) Have people praying for you. No one can ever convince me that there isn't power in prayer. I've felt its calming effects too many times to discount its power. I would say however, that its probably even more powerful if people know specifically what to pray for and what your needs are - safety, peace, comfort or whatever.
6) Have an outlet for your emotions. For me that is this blog and sometimes the ears of my close friends. But for others it might be a spouse, a journal, prayer time, etc. But, I believe it is essential to at least be able to somehow express your feelings, even if you can't express them adequately or eloquently. Sometimes all you need to say is that you're pissed or blue or even in denial.
7) Have a plan for recovery. I'm referring more to the physical recovery here, because the emotional one takes much longer. Plan to rest. Plan to bone up on multi-vitamins and liquids and any thing your body may need. Allow yourself to take it a bit easy, especially if you're still facing surgery or passing the baby. After all of that is over, plan to be a bit out of commission for awhile and slowly ease back into life.
8) Let your grief take you wherever it might. This can run the gamut from denial to anger to questions to tears to sadness to even bitterness. Let it run its course. If you don't allow yourself to feel whatever it is you might be feeling, you run the risk of stuffing emotions that will only come out some other way at a later date. It's much easier (in the long run) to deal with it all when it comes.
For me, my reaction has been different with each miscarriage. My first one was devastating and very, very depressing. I remember feeling like I was being punished for something and being so angry because I so wanted another baby. With the second one the grief was shorter but much more intense. My physical recovery was also much harder because I lost so much blood, so I had the added problem of feeling so tired and unable to do anything. With the third, I got very angry and blamed God for being unfair and unkind and unloving. We lost that baby at 14 weeks and again the recovery was very difficult because I had to be induced and then have a D&C - I bled for six weeks and it took at least three months before the hormones were back to normal. The entire thing was a battle. This miscarriage has been different still. I took about four days to myself - didn't answer my telephone, didn't talk to anyone and just was alone. I couldn't even pray. I couldn't bear the thought of talking to a God who could perform a miracle and allow it to slip away. After those four days, I felt I could shake it off, "that's enough of this" and carry on. I returned some phone calls, let people know what was going on and got back into the routine of life. I cried very little. Maybe I will cry more as this progresses and I wait for baby to pass, but I doubt it. I really feel like this is just how it's going to be and don't feel like fighting it. There's a strange peace in accepting things, even if you don't like what's happened. But, really what can I do about it anyway? :)
Anyway, my point still is to let whatever emotions and feelings you might be having to just happen - you will eventually feel better, life will become normal again and you will get through it.
Surviving is possible, but only one day at a time.
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