sauna bucket

I painted this as a Christmas gift for my sister-in-law. Now, I'm hoping for an invite to use her sauna.

i'm in lego la-la land

The ratio of individual Lego pieces to children at our place is about 4,573 to one. I’m pretty sure we didn’t have that many to start with. I’m kind of worried that they’re somehow fulfilling the Biblical command to be fruitful and multiply.

No matter how many times I try to hide those colorful little rectangles, they keep popping up, usually right in the path of my cold feet. Cold feet and hard plastic are not a good combination. Neither is having only three tables to build things on and four boys. Space is at a premium around here and they’re forced to carve out their own square footage and defend it faithfully.

To their credit, Legos seem to be the one toy that my boys (even the four-year-old who long ago told me to sell the “baby” Legos) can use without fighting about THE rules. Well, actually that’s not true either. They have devised some sort of distribution system so that they all have an equal number of wheels and guys and if someone swipes something, beware - it’s Lego mania.

As I’m writing this, the entire kitchen table is covered in creations - cars, strange pagoda-looking houses, some sort of tower with elephant heads on top, a music studio complete with round discs to resemble CDs and a few random unidentifiable blobs of color.

While they enjoy Lego construction, they do not seem to be capable of Lego collecting at the end of the day. I’m pretty sure they’re not colorblind, so I can’t figure out why the every-color-of-the-rainbow pieces aren’t visible to their eyes when I announce clean-up time. It’s as if their eye sockets only see things a foot off the ground. Perhaps some sort of Lego-induced disorder? Maybe the bright colors affect their vision and their brain.

When I finally lose my patience with the pieces, I swoop in a Lego-frenzy and pick everything up - banishing it to the far reaches of a dusty closet. The Lego-free house last about four days before some desperate, Lego-starved boy braves the darkness and possible spiders in a closet with no lights to pull out the 20-pound container.

And before I know it, they’re stockpiling again, worse than some of the hoarders I’ve seen on TV. One boy has been begging to purchase more - with his own money even! They’re usually so tight-fisted with their dollars, you can’t even pry tooth-fairy money out of their dirty palms to put it in a piggy bank. I’m amazed that a simple building block can out-do much fancier, battery-operated toys.

I should probably be grateful they are using their imaginations to create models of their future houses (with bathrooms and toilets even!), trucks and trailers and other odd shapes, when they could be frying their brains on video games. They seem to be content to spend an entire afternoon constructing, designing and occasionally crying when something breaks. But, they immediately start all over again and then proudly show off their creations. “Mom, look at this!” “ Mom, can you make a sign that says: Sports Shop”?

Welcome to Lego La-la Land - where imaginations run as bright as the colors and the pieces always go together, even if something’s missing. I wish real life could do that sometimes.

I don’t know how many times I fret about this or that piece of my life not fitting together where I think it should. Often, I can’t seem to see the missing piece that’s right in front of me.

Good thing there’s a Master Plan created by a Master Lego Designer. He knows which pieces go where and will sometimes put them in place for me. And sometimes, He’ll even start over if something topples.

That’s a Lego Land that has a little less La-La.

see what i mean?

Based on the family picture woes, thought I'd share a Christmas card design that was vetoed by hubby. I thought it was funny. :)

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good hair day or year.

you can't photoshop this

It's that time of year again - when I get my annual reality check that I am not skinny, my husband is not photogenic and Christmas cards are a pain in the you-know-what.

The annual family photo shoot was a complete flop. First, because the cool background I had chosen for the picture was not an option due to its close proximity to the building that houses hubby's clients. Well, it wasn't an option because hubby refused to let it be one. That of course resulted in two people who were really in the mood to smile for 100 pictures. I was one of them.

The second problem was the fact that it was 20 degrees outside and my kids are wimps. Even with long-johns and long-sleeved shirts they looked so pained in most of the pictures you'd have thought there was a wave of constipation going through. I suppose this could be blamed on Mom since she waited so long to set up the photo shoot date. But, knowing how much a battle it would be, procrastinating torture is very understandable.

The third problem is that my Mom was taking the pictures and I failed to tell her where to stand or that the camera lens could be adjusted so us handsome Larsons didn't look a mile away. Then again, that may have been intentional on her part. Once I saw the pictures on my desktop, we looked much better further away.

Sigh. Now I'm left with a battle in my head between my vanity, which wants to send out a picture that makes us look somewhat normal, and my desire to make people laugh, which wants to send out the most god-awful picture I can find and put a funny caption on it. And believe me, I have lots to choose from. (Did I mention it was windy that day? And my boys hadn't had their wrestling haircuts yet?)

I'm afraid I will have no options but to go the funny route - man those pictures are horrible! I've toyed around with "Making the rest of the world look good, one snapshot at a time." Or "We don't always look this good." Or even: "If everyone looks crabby on your Christmas card, you might be a Larson." I don't think my in-laws would appreciate that last one too much.

Now, I'm really just wasting time writing here when I should just make a decision, get the stupid photo card done and mail it off. Time to spread some holiday cheer.

please don't come over to my house

I'm pretty certain I lack the clean gene. At any given moment, there are dirty dishes in the kitchen, coats and boots piled by the front door, and schoolbooks and legos strewn about the living room. I'm not sure the last time the kitchen floor was scrubbed and I only know the toilet is clean because I just had to wipe it after some nameless boy broke the "no standing while peeing" rule.

To be fair though, I don't think my house was this messy before I had kids. It's got to be their fault somehow.

I have farmed out nearly all the chores with the exception of laundry, and they still don't get done, even if I threaten no snacks until they're done. The trouble is that the cleanliness only lasts about 45 seconds.

Add a construction zone to the mix and I have just about given up. Last week I started taking down 2009 Christmas pictures. (Now, before you go and think that I'm really slow, let me just say that I leave my cards up year-round. I was actually ahead of the game - taking down old cards before I even got any new ones.)

The trouble is, that I realized quite quickly that all the cards were dusty. And the cabinet they were taped to was full of cobwebs. So, I did a most natural thing I could think of - I started wiping them off the ceiling.

A minute later, my eldest son asked, "Is someone coming over?"

I replied, "Do you think I only clean if someone's coming?"

The sheepish look on his face revealed the awful truth - that is exactly what he thought. Oh dear. I'm officially teaching my kids how to live in a messy house. I don't believe this is a good thing.

Do I get crabby and start throwing things into piles and take toys away and generally go berserk, or do I just succumb to the blatant fact that I should just never, ever have company over again? Well, at least for another 13 years, when the last of the messers is hopefully out of the house.

Consider this your invitation to drop by uninvited - in about September of 2023.

boys say the funniest things...

Number Four: I want to get born again.

Mom (thinking this is an evangelism opportunity): Why's that?

Number Four: So I'm the oldest.

How do you argue with that?

good quote...

If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
-Unknown

breaking down walls

Getting a start on opening up the old part of the house and the new. Wonder how many child labor laws we're breaking here. He couldn't have been happier though, busting up concrete blocks.

Once the wall comes down then we have to finish off the opening. Glad that's hubby's job and not mine.

it's nice to have boys...

because they argue about who gets to take the mouse out of the trap.

hot water!

Once again, asking tons of questions has solved a problem. I called the manufacturer of our water heater because everyone else was convinced that was the problem. And, since the beast isn't that old, I really didn't want to have to replace it.

The guy (who was sweet as pie on the phone) ran me through some trouble shooting and when those all came back negative, he asked me one question that made all the difference: "Do you have all of your faucets installed?"

What?!? How would that matter? So, I said no, this was not a typical construction project where everything gets put in at the same time and the homeowners move in and everything is honky dorey. There are no faucets in the laundry room sink, the master bath showers and sinks (heck, there aren't even any sinks yet in either room) or in the powder room. The light bulbs went off and we discovered that for some strange reason, without a faucet on those water lines, we would get hot water for a few minutes and then the water would start cycling through the two shower lines downstairs, leaving us high and dry wet and cold upstairs.

Ack. Who woulda thunk? So, hubby promptly installed some shut-off valves on the water lines to those two showers and presto! hot water that stayed hot. Almost miraculous.

Ahhh. I should send that guy a thank you note or at the very least call his boss and tell him what a fantastic job he did. But, first it's my turn in the shower.

sweeten me up

I have a problem. And it's not an easy one to solve.

I don't like plain, black coffee. I wish I did. It would make my morning, afternoon and evening cup(s) of joe much easier to fix and consume.

I also like some flavor beyond just sugar (although that will do in a pinch.) I love creamer - French vanilla is still a favorite, but I will try just about anything except the caramel ones. I also love this time of year when Chocolate Mint Truffle or Peppermint Mocha is available. Last year, I stocked up on about six bottles of the stuff at the end of the holiday season so I could enjoy the flavors longer. (The shelf life on that stuff is insane. And a bit scary.)

What I don't love is that my favorite brands and flavors of coffee whitener are loaded with crap. And yes, I know I can buy cream, but it doesn't give me a vanilla flavor. And yes, I know I can buy vanilla syrup for my coffee, but - two problems - first, now I would be putting TWO things into my coffee (oh the WORK!) and second, it's high fructose corn syrup with a little fake vanilla flavoring.

Putting real vanilla extract doesn't work well either, because it leaves a bit of alcohol aftertaste. Yes, coffee is already bitter, but come on. I want it to taste right. I could steep a vanilla bean in cream, but by the time it would taste like anything, the cream would probably be spoiled.

So, I'm stuck. Land-O-Lakes used to make a vanilla-flavored heavy cream, but apparently I was the only consumer purchasing it, because it didn't stay on the shelves very long.

I recently got persuaded into trying Truvia in my coffee. All-natural, right? Well, okay stevia is a plant and it's natural. Sugar is natural too, but not when you extract only one part of it after it's gone through like 27 separate processing processes. All this so Cargill can put a patent on the combination, which they couldn't if they just mixed stevia and plain sugar. How hard could that be? But, ah, there would be no trademark and therefore no corner on the market and therefore no profits if someone chose to "copy" their idea.

Oh, and another thing - the Truvia was horrid. Couldn't even finish the cup. Don't know how that one got past taste tests in quality control.

So, all griping aside, I'm not sure if I have any other options. I guess I should just remind myself that there are worse things I could be consuming - I'm not spiking my coffee with anything other than the 35-calorie-per-tablespoon creamer. And I'm fixing it at home where it's still fairly inexpensive.

Sweeten me up with some sugar, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, sodium caseinate, dipotassium phosphate, disodium phoshate, mono- and diglycerides, cellulose gel, cellulose gum, coloring, salt, natural and artificial flavor, sucralose and carrageenan.

And honestly, I didn't know there was Sucralose in my creamer until just now!!

That's not news that can be sugar-coated with anything. I'm just devastated. Once again, I'm at the mercy of what's available to me as a consumer. It's maddening.

-------------------
*NOTE: It appears that only CoffeeMate's Italian Sweet Cream has Sucralose. The other four varieties in my fridge do not. Whew. I can still be my sweet old self.

artificiality

Thirteen years ago I discovered that artificial sweeteners like Nutrasweet give me headaches. Without fail, half an hour after consuming some tasty bite of yogurt, I'd get a weird throbbing in my temples and forehead. After I finally figured out the mystery, I have avoided Nutrasweet and its more recent successor, Splenda, as much as possible.

Once, at a church function, I think I may have I ticked off the person serving lemonade when I refused to take any after I learned it was Crystal Light. And I wouldn't let my kids have any either. She acted as if I had to be mentally ill to pass on the beverage and opt for water. (But, I guess I can see why she wouldn't understand, considering her Diet Coke addiction.)

It's not been too difficult until recently. I can buy yogurt with sugar as a sweetener. I can buy regular pop instead of diet. I don't have to buy sugarfree candy or Vitamin water or Gatorade - there are sugar or corn syrup-filled options for all of those products. (In no way, am I saying even those things are good for me.) But I can't find gum anymore that doesn't have Sucralose, Splenda, Aspartame or any other artificial sweetener in it. Even the good old Juicy Fruit or DoubleMint are contaminated. My only option is to chew Double Bubble or sugary Bubble Yum, etc., but the flavor in those lasts about 20 seconds.

I'm getting crabby about my lack of gum choices.

Give me back my sugar. Or my high-fructose corn syrup even. Not that I like to consume HFCS, but I'd rather have that than Nutrasweet or Splenda. And people consume this crap like it's no big deal. (If you're a diabetic, please don't take offense - I grant you a pass okay?) I don't want to ingest stuff that gives me a headache.

I swear we're letting food producers poison us. And I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm curious if it's the companies who produce artificial sweeteners lobbying to use their products in everything, including gum, or if the push is coming from the American Dental Association. (As if fluoride weren't bad enough...)

So, I'm curious if anyone out there has some non-artificially sweetened gum suggestions. I'm salivating already.