eating greens

I have to confess something - I am feeling particularly ornery today. Actually it's been longer than just today. It's been, well, let's just say awhile.

I'd like to blame it on the weather - too many gray, gloomy days in a row, but I don't think that's a very good excuse.

I'd really like to blame it on the kids - too many fights, too much whining, and definitely too many battles to get them eating their supper. Our youngest is especially difficult - he is just plain picky. I used to pride myself in being a "good" mom whose kids ate vegetables. Then this one came along and figured out his colors at 15 months. He will not put anything green in his mouth. No peas, no beans, no celery, no broccoli, absolutely nothing green. If I serve him mixed vegetables, he will quite methodically pick out all the carrots and push the rest away. Grrrrrr!

But, even a toddler isn't the cause of my orneriness.

To be honest, I'm not really sure where it's coming from…I've got a lot on my plate right now (nothing green) and I'm struggling with where exactly God wants me right now. Part of it is knowing where he wants me and not wanting to be there.

And another part is taking a step of faith and stubbing my toe.

I often find myself frustrated because something doesn't go the way I expected or the way I would like. I know it's childish to expect that much out of life, but I'm big enough to admit I'm a child, a little bitty picky toddler at that.

I want sweet corn in one area of my life and God says, "No, I'm going to serve you brussel sprouts."

My choice becomes to either push it away stubbornly or to swallow my pride and swallow something I'd rather not. Perhaps I do need to eat more greens. My spiritual health may depend on it.

I think that I've made the dinner plans, fixed the mealtime, set the table and even prepared the first few courses. Then God comes along and says, "Wait a minute, who's coming to dinner? Is the meal about the guest or the host?"

Touché.

Heap some more brussel sprouts on my plate God.

I get so caught up in what I'm trying to serve that I don't even think about WHO I'm serving. Perhaps I'm making bread and they need meat. Perhaps I'm offering soup and they want salad. Or even worse, perhaps I'm expecting more out of my guests than I should, not considering their tastes, their schedules or their diets.

Yep, those little green veggies look worse by the minute.

Why is it that you can know something is good for you and yet not bring yourself to eat it? How can I know a little spiritual discipline is exactly what I need, and yet not want to do it?

I want growth on my terms. I want to believe without having faith. I want to trust not knowing the outcome. I want to know the plan. I want to make the plan. Then, I want the glory.

I really am an ornery child.

And yet, God loves me. Even when I spit out his brussel sprouts, he's there with another spoonful. Can't you just see him say, "Here! Try it again!" When I finally realize I'm hungry enough to eat even brussel sprouts, he's right there, excited that I might swallow one mouthful.

I can't begin to comprehend his patience with me. He knows I don't deserve it. I know I don't deserve it. What an awesome God to give me what I need instead of what I want.

My toddler would eat potato chips and his new discovery, chocolate chip cookies, all day if I let him. But, because I love him and want him to be physically healthy (and because I'm stubborn), I won't let him. I will feed him good stuff, like peas and beans. Green stuff.

Just like God gives me.

three's a handful

Before we had our third boy, my brother-in-law tried to convince me that the third was no more work than two. I wonder what planet he was living on when their third was born. Either that, or the difference between boys and girls (he has three girls) is so immense, that one cannot even make comparisons.

I’m still waiting for the day of no more work than with two kids. I don’t think it’s ever coming.

Talking to other people who have been there, they assure me that the third makes ALL the difference in the world. (I knew I wasn’t crazy!)

Gone are the days when I pack the kids up for a “quick trip” to the grocery store. I won’t set foot inside Wal-Mart unless I’ve either got some brave help or I’m solo. Ditto for the bank (although I have discovered that the drive-through is a good compromise and the tellers give Dum-Dum suckers to me as a reward for sitting patiently while three boys holler in the back seat. They’re so thoughtful.)

It’s not that my boys misbehave, in fact they’re downright polite at Wal-Mart when they ask for candy bars, new tractors and another fish because Harvey (the beta they so kindly gave me for Mother’s Day) might be lonely. They usually say please, please, please and PLEASE!

They’re also very helpful, piling seven boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios into the cart. Boy Number One reads all the labels to make sure we’re not getting too many grams of sugar. (Did you know that pop has 41 grams while a juice box only has 12?) He will ask me, much to the amusement of other shoppers, “Is this cereal on sale, Mom? Do you have a coupon?”

They’re not loud or obnoxious, but they are a handful.

I’m just not strong enough anymore to push a cart with a baby in the front seat, a three-year-old sitting in the cart squishing bread and a six-year-old who thinks he can stand in front and hang on.

The little car carts at Cub are an option, except that whoever designed them with workable horns couldn’t have been a mother. By the time I’ve trudged through produce, dairy and made it to the peanut butter, I’ve heard all the “beep, beeps” I ever need. Even better is when one horn is operating and the other isn’t, which is more typical.

The people at Cub have yet another option for shopping with children–those immense carts with the two seats in front. Have you ever tried to push one with 60 pounds of boy and another 60 pounds of groceries? It’s impossible to maneuver, especially around all the seniors who stare wide-eyed at this monstrosity on wheels heading directly for them with an out-of-control mom behind the wheel who, trust me, would have more luck with a Zamboni. It’s a bit like trying to drive a Suburban through an obstacle course designed for a VW Beetle. And trying to do so with two boys arguing about whose elbow belongs where.
Someone told me two children are two children, but a third is a houseful. I grew up with seven kids, so I’m not sure I can complain about three filling a house, except that my parents’ home has six bedrooms and ours has two. Ours is full.

But, I’m not complaining. Instead, I’m thankful that I’m learning time management (by not making it anywhere on time), people skills (by learning that children do not respond any more quickly to an increase in vocal decibels unless it’s accompanied by a piercing wail), and patience (what else can you learn from sweeping the kitchen floor three times a day, a baby who throws food in your face and consistently stepping on Matchbox cars and Legos?)

What else is a Mom to do when her days are a combination of tears, hugs and meltdowns (hers, not the kids) but appreciate the humor and know she’ll finally get peace and quiet at 10 p.m.

It could be worse. I could have four boys and more material for this blog.

constant communion

“People sometimes say that the only reason for prayer is that we need to be changed. Certainly we do, but this is not the only reason to pray. Jesus was not being made more holy by prayer. He was communing with His Father. He was asking for things. He thanked God. He was also laying down His own will.”
–Elisabeth Eliot

I don't need to be reminded how important prayer and talking to God is. I already know that. (Something will inevitably slap me across the face to let me know I can't do everything or anything on my own).

It might be a lack of patience with the kids. It might be a lack of trust with finances. It might be an impossible person. It might even be the lack of hours and minutes in the day.

Regardless, there is always something to pray about or to pray for. That has never been the issue.

What I do need on a regular basis is the motivation and determination to stick to it. I can't tell you how many times I tell myself, "I couldn't have done this without the Lord's help." And yet when another irritation, frustration, pressure or stress comes up, I somehow fail to remember to go to God FIRST before the issue becomes too big to handle.

I'm not sure why it's such a difficult concept for my little brain to grasp. My God is big enough to handle anything.

I'm reminded of a song that we used to sing in VBS growing up. The lyrics went: "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do."

He has proved Himself time and time again, yet giving up control of a situation is still so difficult to do.

It's not tough to pray to Him and ask for His help. It's not tough to thank Him for what He's done. What is tough, is giving up my will to Him. And it's hard to not get so busy that I don't have time or energy to simply be in communion with Him.

There’s always a million dishes to wash, thousands of clothes to fold and don’t get me started on the number of toys in our house. Life has a tendency to just be busy and take up our time for more “important” things, if we let it. Instead of household chores, my priority should be communion with my Father.

This might take the form of prayer or may even be a simple conversation. "Good morning, God. I'm so glad you'll be with me today. I know I'm going to need your help around mid-afternoon when I've been listening to who wants to play with what colored four-wheeler since 8 a.m. I pray I'll make it that long without snapping. Thank you for lending me your patience and your perspective."

See? It's so easy. All that is required is the effort on my part. I have never felt that it was a one-way conversation. I can almost always feel His presence, even if I don't receive a particular answer to a particular problem right away.

Writer Henri Nouwen performed an experiment of sorts by attempting to be in constant dialogue or communion with God. His results are fascinating. How inspiring to know that you can, if you work at it, have a spiritual union with God that doesn't have to take place just when you pray, but rather all your waking hours!

If you look closely at the life of Jesus, it’s what he did on a daily and hourly basis. He knew His Father not just because He was Jesus, but also because he was always communing with Him.

Jesus’ example is a call for us to be in constant prayer or constant dialogue or a constant abiding in God’s presence.

I know I'm not worthy of the honor, but I'm so encouraged that He would even consider it. I can't help but feel special that God that He would even offer Himself to us on such a personal level.

I pray I can offer myself up to Him a little more consistently.

how's your walk?

A few years ago, when I met my cousin's fiancé for the first time, I have to admit he caught me completely off-guard. I didn't but get introduced to him, when he bluntly asked, "How's your walk with the Lord?"

Just like that. No warning of "Blunt question ahead."

I still remember my shock and surprise at his bold question. And, I have to admit it made me a little uncomfortable. It was perhaps a combination of the subject and the fact that this was the greeting out of the mouth of a man I'd never met.
I honestly can't even remember what I replied. I probably mumbled something like, "Oh! Good, good," and fumbled for a way to change the subject.

Now that I'm older and more mature (ahem, okay, just older), I got to thinking about that question. It dawned on me how responsible we are for our own spiritual growth (and to a lesser extent encouraging the spiritual growth of our fellow believers).

Paul tells us in his letter to the Ephesians that "God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love–like Christ in everything" (The Message, Eph. 4:15)

We are to continually be striving for the fruit of the Spirit in every aspect of our lives, public and private. In his book, "Victory over the Darkness," Neil Anderson writes, "We should be able to say every year, 'I am more loving, peaceful, joyful, patient, kind and gentle than I was last year.' If we can't honestly say that, then we are not growing."

If we truly want what God wants for us, we will actively seek to grow our faith, to increase our love for each other, to promote peace and unity, to be patient, kind and gentle and to walk closer to Him.

Part of His will for us includes walking with Him, and ironically it is only by doing that, that we can come to know what His will is for our lives. (I hesitate to make a list of do's, but I believe it's essential for a person to be in God's Word daily in order to both walk with Him and discern His will - that's the main way He will speak to us. He will of course use the Holy Spirit and mentors he has placed in our lives to lead us and to help us grow, but I think He uses His written Word more often.)

In addition to our own spiritual maturity, we are also responsible to encourage and exhort the members of the body of Christ to grow in their spiritual walks.

We can be either an inspiration or a deterrent to someone's walk with God. A simple word or comment can make all the difference in the world. I'm reminded of Philippians 2:4, where Paul encourages us to look out for the interests of others. In verses one and two, he tells us, "If you've received anything from Christ, if His love has given you any comfort, if you care at all, then make me happy by agreeing with each other, by loving each other and by being deeply concerned about each other." (my paraphrase)

Those who love you most will be most concerned with where you are spiritually. I don't say this lightly.

If I truly have your best in mind, I will want you to spend eternity with the Lord and I will want you to be walking with Him right now. I will want you to have as close a relationship with Him as possible.

I will ask you, "How's your walk with the Lord?"

I hope you have a clearer answer than I did.

a child's love

Often, I find myself wanting to be a child again. Or rather to be like a child again.

I wonder what it would be like to have such absolute trust and innocent faith. Or to truly love with no strings attached. As adults, we tend to get cynical, wanting proof before we’ll believe, perfection before we’ll trust and reciprocity before we’ll love.
No wonder Jesus loved the little children.

Our middle son is at the age where he can vocalize his feelings, good and bad. Sometimes, he comes up to me and tells me, quite matter-of-factly, “Mom, you’re the best mom I ever met!” Then, I melt. Isn’t it precious that he actually believes that? He hasn’t been tainted by my shortcomings yet, and is still so innocent and so confident in what I can do.

Wouldn’t it be great to have that much faith in our own Father? Wouldn’t He love to hear from us - “Lord, you’re the best friend, the best father, the best comforter, the best everything I ever met!”

I wish I was as confident in my Father as my son is in me. In my heart I know He can do anything, but my head finds that difficult to believe sometimes. It really makes no sense considering the Lord has never yelled at me, spanked me or made me sit in a time out. (He disciplines me, but that’s a topic for another issue). He has never failed me and yet so often I fail to acknowledge that.

It begs the question – why is it so hard for an adult to have complete faith in God and true love for God? And why is it so easy for a child?

My son often tells me, “I love you so much and very much!” and then gives me a big squeeze.

Do I love him because of what he does for me? Of course not. He would never receive my love because I’d be so angry with all his bickering and the thanks I don’t get for kissing boo-boos. Instead, I love him because he’s mine. It’s all about the relationship. I’m his mother, so he loves me. He’s my son, so I love him.

Once we recognize that we have that same familial relationship with God, we should be able to say, “Lord I love you so much and very much!” and not base our love on what He’s done for us, but on who He is.

God would never love us based on our actions. We would never deserve His love; we’re simply not good enough. He loves us because we are His. We should love Him because He is our Father.

It should be as simple as that.

But, it's not. I wonder sometimes if we don't let our brains get in the way - limited capacity though they have. Or maybe it's our hurts and emotions that hinder us. Makes me wonder who's more "intelligent" after all.